Been a while since I updated this , and basically , I’ve spent most of the last month trying not to die.
First , shockingly , I was diagnosed with Pnuemonia , which was bad enough , but just as I was getting shot of that , I went to A & E with what I though was Chronic Indigestion ( or trapped wind around the Diaphragm ).
I was given an aspirin as the nurses wanted to rule out angina or heart problems. No-one knew that aspirin would almost kill me as half an hour later, after an ambulance ride to the main hospital , it brought about an anaphylactic shock / bronchiospasm. My immune system reacted to the aspirin as if it was an invading virus and it started closing my lungs and throat down , and for an hour I was in , what I can only describe as Hell , breathing with 1% of my lung capacity. I have never been so terrified , so powerless. What i went through , I wouldn’t have wished on hitler. I suffocated for an hour , somewhere between life and death. I remember thinking how quiet it was , like how they say it is in the eye of a tornado. It was bad. I was a passenger.
I’m not afraid to say that I prayed , and I believe I’m only still here because of Divine intervention because i reached the stage where i was fighting this thing for an hour , and i physically just couldnt do it anymore. I remember thinking ” This is it………this is the point where i’ll exhale my last breath , or my heart will pack in from the strain “. I remember thinking ” ok , i give in ……..what do i do now…..do i just relax and let it happen ? ” When it came down to it , I didnt know HOW to die. I was on automatic pilot.
So…….I’m still here and i have a newfound appreciation for life , which i’ve been taking for granted for a while now , not exercising , eating crap , smoking , drinking , awake all night and asleep all day. As terrifying as all this was , I see the whole experience with complete positivity because it was a wake-up call and I’m grateful for it. Habits creep in little by little and before we know it , we look at the tangled web we have weaved and its complex to untangle , but in one fell swoop , the foundations and the architecture of my life have changed forever. I feel reborn.
When you go through a near-death experience , the simple smell of a tree as you’re walking past it , or just being able to see the waves or feel the breeze on your face becomes something profoundly amazing and beyond words. My focus and my priorities have totally changed , and I know this will come across in the music I make from hereon in.
We never realize what we have until its gone.
Still here.
More aware than ever.
